Mommy Fail

As much as I would like to have my first blog post be about something positive, the reality is that life is not always positive. As a mother, I make mistakes. I have regrets. There are things I wish I could go back and change. I will never be perfect. As much as I want to protect my children, I will not be able to protect them forever. This post is for all the parents who have made mistakes.

My boys are five years apart in age. That means that my oldest (Tiger) and I were two peas in a pod for five whole years before our new little one (Bear) came into our lives. I am a stay-at-home mom, so Tiger and I spent all day together, every day. Having a new baby was a big change for both of us, and I feel like, even after a year, we are still adjusting. That is why I recently decided that I need to make one-on-one time with Tiger more of a priority.

Our first mommy/son outing was to a local attraction that has bowling, mini golf, laser tag, arcade games, and the like. We were both really looking forward to it. When we arrived, we took a quick look around the arcade, and I saw that their 4-D ride had a very short line, so I told Tiger we should go and do that before the line grew longer. I have been on a couple of 4-D rides before and they have been pretty fun… hang gliding, roller coasters, etc. I was excited to share the experience with my six-year-old!

We sat down and buckled up and the curtain closed around the small theater. As the ride began, I realized in horror that the theme of the ride was a werewolf attack and we, as the audience, were supposed to shoot the werewolves with guns that were next to each seat. These were not cartoon werewolves. These were terrifying 3-D CGI werewolves. 

It didn’t take long for my son to tell me that this was way too scary for him. I told him to close his eyes and cover his ears, and I just sat there, trying my best to shield my son from the terrible sights and sounds. Thankfully, the movie was only a few minutes long. I helped Tiger unbuckle his seat belt and get off the ride, and as we stepped out of the small theater, I felt like the worst mother in the world.

Why didn’t I look to see what type of movie was showing before I took my six-year-old to watch it? Why didn’t I wave my arms or do something to try to get them to stop the ride so we could get off? All the things I should have done filled my mind, and guilt and regret filled my heart. My son looked up at me and said, “That was too scary!” I agreed with him and apologized for not paying closer attention to what the movie was about. 

All the things I should have done filled my mind, and guilt and regret filled my heart.

We spent the next couple of hours having fun and playing games, but on the way home that night my son told me that it had been a terrible night and he never wanted to go back to that place again. The fun was over, it was dark outside, and I knew that he was thinking about the werewolves. As I drove home, I silently prayed that he would not have nightmares that night. All I had wanted was to spend some extra special time with my oldest son, and on our first outing together, I made a huge mistake. 

This brought to mind something that God had quietly whispered to my heart on another occasion when I made a poor decision with my child. That day, God told me, “It is not your job to protect your son. It is My job.” All those years ago I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and I felt that again as I drove home this night, remembering my previous failure. 

That day, God told me, “It is not your job to protect your son. It is My job.” 

As much as I want to protect my children from everything bad and scary and evil in the world, it is just not possible. And, unfortunately, sometimes I am the one who exposes them to these things. To take the impossible burden of protecting them and give it God, to One who can actually do it, is amazingly freeing. 

I am NOT saying that I don’t try to protect my children. As a parent, my calling is to take care of them, and protection falls under that realm of care. 

I am also NOT saying that since God is protecting them, nothing bad will ever happen to them. We live in a fallen world where bad things happen all the time.

So, what am I saying? I am not perfect and I will not always make the right choice or the best choice. In those instances, God has my back. He does not prevent me from failing (at least not all the time), but He does turn my mistakes into something good when I trust Him.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

This was not the first time I felt like I had failed my son (and I’m sure it won’t be the last). But it is incredible to feel my guilt be replaced with a humbled joy, knowing that God takes my failures and uses them as a positive in my life and the life of my family.

I hope this story brings hope and encouragement to you in your own journey.

Thanks for reading!

~ Sarah ~

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